


Need

by Daniscats



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/F, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 00:11:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20985599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daniscats/pseuds/Daniscats
Summary: Part of the Fictober challenge on the Facebook ME fan fic writer's page. The prompt was 'scars', day 6. This is definitely NOT part of my larger story. This is not the story of Katherine E Shepard and *her* Liara T'Soni. I hope it makes you sad but in a good way.#MEFFictober2019





	Need

Shepard looked at herself in the mirror, smoothing out the little black dress that she chose for the night. She felt stupid wearing the dress but then she always felt a little silly when she was out of uniform. Maybe she should just put on her dress blues? But no. Her dress had received the Kasumi seal of approval. Not that she had asked. Shepard only knew the ever-nosy Kasumi was present when she whistled after Shepard came out of the bathroom. 

Before she left upon threats of being spaced (an empty threat if only because if ever there was a woman who could hide as an extended stowaway, it was Kasumi and Shepard suspected that she and Edi were good friends), Kasumi materialized and gave her a bottle of wine. She promised Shepard that it was a very good vintage and a very good year, guaranteed to impress any date. Shepard insisted that it was not a date but even she did not believe her own words and Kasumi definitely didn’t. 

She was trying not to get her hopes up. To say that Liara was mostly cold to her during their pursuit of the Shadow Broker was an understatement. And she was even colder when Shepard had initially visited her on Ilium._ ‘But why would she agree to come see you in your room on the Normandy if she did not want to get back together?’ _

The thought brought her a little thrill. She didn’t want to rush things but her mind couldn’t help but voice what it wanted. It was entirely possible that Liara, the only person who Shepard had ever loved, might be warm in her arms and in her bed by the end of the night. 

It would make all the pain (physical and mental) and depression and confusion and fear (though Shepard would deny it if asked) of the past few months, worth it. She woke up in extreme pain, alone, with mechs shooting at her. It went downhill from there. Her friend dismissed her as a traitor. Her boss (if she were being honest with herself, what else could she call him?) lied to her more than once and it almost got her killed. Her love coldly asked her to hack terminals and refused her so much as a drink together in the local bar. 

There was not a single person who seemed genuinely happy to see her alive for more than professional reasons. She had returned to life two years after her death and everyone that she held dear had moved on. And they were all doing just fine without her. She had never felt so alone. _ ‘What if you could be present for the aftermath of your death and could see quite clearly that your presence or absence really doesn’t mean much either way?’ _

But it might not be that way at all. And Shepard was not going to waste this chance. She would make everything perfect. Well, as perfect as it could be with her in this silly dress. She wondered what Liara would wear. She had seen Liara in her high-necked dresses on Illium and secretly hoped she would wear the white one. She had looked gorgeous and the sight made Shepard’s pulse race. 

Shepard looked around her cabin appraisingly. Everything was neat and tidy. The lights were dimmed for ambience, the (supposedly) good wine was chilled and she looked good (supposedly). There was only one thing left to ready. The flowers. Not just any flowers but a specially arranged bouquet of flowers imported from Thessia. 

The rather conceited matron at the flower shop told her flowers had very particular meanings on Thessia and that this particular arrangement had special meaning that would be recognized by the most discerning asari. That each flower told a story of love and longing and passion and together, arranged in this specific way, was one of the most romantic gifts that an asari could receive. Shepard had no idea if Liara was a discerning asari or not but the flowers sure looked beautiful. 

Shepard’s stomach started doing flip-flops when she heard the bell. It was hard to tell whether it was fear or excitement. Shepard determined it was the latter because it had to be. This was all going to work out for the best because it had to. 

Shepard carefully moved the vase of flowers on her desk to a place where Liara would be able to see them and then after taking a deep breath, she spoke. 

“It’s open.” 

Liara walked into the apartment and stopped when she saw Shepard. Shepard watched as the small smile on Liara’s face disappeared as the asari took in first Shepard and then the larger room. Her eyes fell briefly on the flowers on the desk and Shepard would have sworn that she saw a look of sadness in her eyes. Shepard noticed that the asari was dressed in the same armored suit that she always wore lately while working. The awkward moment dragged on. Shepard, her confidence shaken, forgot all the clever lines that she intended to say to Liara. Finally, Liara spoke. 

"I spoke with Dr. Chakwas, Shepard. She told me that she could remove those scars for you. Why don't you let her? Do they hurt?" 

_ " _ _ Do you care? _ _ " _, Shepard thought but instead she smiled. She knew that the scars tended to glow even brighter, were even uglier, when she was having strong emotions. She tried to get those emotions under control and ignored the wretched feeling in her gut. There was still hope here. After all, Liara agreed to come see her on the Normandy. Now, she just had to get Liara to see her like she did before. Her perfect blue eyes lighting up when Shepard entered the room. 

_ "When is your gut ever wrong, Shepard?" _She ignored the internal voice and kept the smile on her face. "Please, sit down." Shepard pointed towards her couch. "Let me get you a drink." 

Liara sat down on the couch, her eyes down, her face inscrutable. Shepard, the smile still on her scarred and glowing face, went over to sit beside her, bringing the bottle of wine and glasses with her. She poured out a glass and tried to hand it to Liara, who was still staring at her hands and made no move to accept it. She placed the glass on the table in front of her instead, before pouring herself a drink. 

"Why don't we have a toast?" Shepard lifted her glass towards Liara. Shepard took a small breath before continuing. "To beating these mechanical bastards once and for all so that we can get on with our life together." 

Liara hesitantly took the glass off the table and clinked it against Shepard's, her expression neutral. She did not drink, instead putting the glass back down on the table. Liara then finally looked at her. 

"Shepard...I think I know what you want..." 

"I haven't exactly been subtle about it, Liara. I want you. I want what we had. I know what you went through in my absence and I know it's going to take time..." 

"Shepard..." 

"We can take it slow, Liara. I know you have your information and I have my..." 

"Shepard! Please! Let me speak! I think I know what you want and I just can't give that to you. It's not you, it's me." 

"Oh my God! Did you actually just use those words?" Shepard bolted up, her voice rising of its own accord. "You were in love with me, Liara! You can't deny it! I felt it!" 

"I'd never even dated anyone before. You were my first." Liara voice rose in defense. "I was a goddess-damned child!" 

"And you still are! It was just yesterday!" 

"It was two years ago, Shepard." Liara lowered her voice again. She looked behind her towards the door. "I don't want to hurt you..." 

"Then don't!" Shepard knelt down besides Liara and tried to take her hand. Liara pulled it away before she could. "I get it. I'm coming on too strong. Because it literally feels like it was yesterday for me. Like you were just in my bed a month ago. And despite all the shit that was going on back then, we were both happy, Liara. Do you remember that? We were happy! We can be happy again." 

"And I want nothing more than for you to be happy again, Shepard. But I will not be part of that. Of course, I'll help you out with information in the future but I think it's for the best if we don't see each other again..." 

"It's that fucking drell, isn't it?" Shepard stood again before sweeping her arm over the table propelling the glasses onto the metal floor with predictable results. "Answer me! It's him, isn't it? Unfuckingbelievable. You asked me to rescue the man who replaced me!" 

"It's not him, Shepard. We are not a couple. Nor will we be." 

"Then who is it? You cheated on me. With who?" 

"You can't cheat on someone who dies. You cannot cheat on someone with whom you never had the understanding of an exclusive relationship." 

"We didn't need to say the words, Liara. I know what we felt about each other but obviously, there's someone else now. Who is it?" 

"There's no one. And there are a dozen." Liara shook her head but couldn't help but smile when she saw Shepard's expression. She stood up and moved around the couch, looking at the door once again. "That has nothing to do with this. I just don't feel the same about you any longer. This is not doing anyone any good. I think it's best if I go." 

"Please, Liara. Please don't go." Shepard's voice was soft as she spoke to Liara's back. "I can't do this without you." 

"Of course you will", Liara responded, her voice clear, a genuine smile on her face now as she turned around again. "I still admire you for that. Nothing will keep you from your duty." 

"I'll take it! Maybe that admiration can turn to love." 

"And that's why we will win, Shepard. You never give up. But I just don't feel that about you now. If I ever did. I look at you and I have fond memories but there's nothing there." 

"We've both been traumatized, Liara. Is it any wonder that we won't allow ourselves to feel anything? How can you feel passion for someone when you saw them die? When you might have to watch them die again?" 

"Maybe you're right, Shepard. Maybe that's part of it but it doesn't change anything. I don't feel anything for you but gratitude." Liara turned around and began walking towards the door again. 

"Liar! You're lying!" 

"You say that you are in love with me and yet, you call me a liar?" 

"I think you're confused." Shepard moved closer to Liara and grabbed her arm to turn her around. "If you don't love me anymore, prove it to me. Meld with me." 

"Shepard, I don't want to hurt you." 

"Prove it to me, Liara! I don't think you can because you're still in love with me!" 

"Very well", Liara said. "Embrace eternity." 

Within a minute, Shepard let go of Liara's arm and collapsed to the floor as Liara's eyes returned to their normal blue, unable to stop the tears now running down her face. 

"That's it, then. I have no one." 

"I'm so sorry, Shepard", Liara said. For a moment, Liara put out her hand and started to kneel before her face hardened again and she turned and walked out of the apartment. 


End file.
